I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
