Ambien. No doubt about it.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
