Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
