Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
