dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
