At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
