i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
