the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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