if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
