And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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