Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
