Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
