Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
