She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
