I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
