The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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