Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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