Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
