I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
