someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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