I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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