I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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