My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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