I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
