You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
