Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Sponge bath it is.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
