there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
