you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
