he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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