If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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