i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
