She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
