the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
