he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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