Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
