My room smells like vodka and shame
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I love you.
Bad choice
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
