Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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