Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
