I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I would fuck him just for his dog
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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