My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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