You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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