Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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