Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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