I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
