Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
