You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
