I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
