I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
