It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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