Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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