I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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