i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
